When I knew

There was a moment when I knew I had given it all up. Everything my heart had, my mind, my being. I was no longer me, I was defined by my roles, the definitions that each person around me held. Mom, cleaner, boss, partner, mentor, supporter, listener, gardener, neighbor…the list went on. What I no longer knew what it was to be me. Did I have dreams alongside those to do lists? Did I have something special to share? Was I something…someone to be doing along with my giving.

He said I didn’t understand. They said I was just stressed. Their need was for me to fix it.

I crushed under the weight of it all.

My breath was gone.

I was lost.

Yet still I could see. I could feel. Through the dullness I felt something pulling.

Call it what I may, the purpose of me…the reason for me…longing to be free again

Longing to be dancing in the moonlight

Dreaming to be loved through the day and into the night

It pulled strong to lift me, reaching to find me in the dark…reminding me that faith will lead the way

When I knew I can feel alone but yet will never be

When I knew…